It’s my daughter’s birthday today. So this morning I jumped on Facebook to leave her a witty birthday greeting before calling her, only to remember…
She killed her Facebook account several months ago.
After watching the negative effect that Facebook and other social media properties has had on some people, I’ve come to believe that there are many others who should do the same thing.
Don’t get me wrong – I love Facebook, I teach how to use Facebook, and spend time on Facebook. I just don’t believe it’s for everyone.
And unfortunately, it’s those who are saying to themselves right now “I’m certainly not one of those” who are right at the top of the list of the people who probably should kill their account (or at least alter their behavior to get a real life.)
Here are some signs that Facebook is ruining your life:
- You have more communications with people in your tight circle of local friends on Facebook than you do in real life.
- You spend more than 20 minutes a day on Facebook.
- Facebook’s the first thing you do in the morning, then you’re back midday, then again in the evening, just to keep track of the lives of everyone in your friends group.
- You’ve ever found yourself saying “not right now, I’m on Facebook” to your child, spouse, significant other, parent or friend
- You’ve ever announced some important change in your life on Facebook before you picked up the phone or met in person with your closest friends and told them in advance (I’m pregnant, I’m engaged…)
- You’ve cut short a real-world conversation with someone you’ve just met (and liked) so you could stalk them on Facebook
- You’ve ever heard some variation on the words “I wish you would stop chatting on Facebook and spend time with me.”
- You’ve ever revealed something deeply personal on Facebook that you’ve regretted later
- You regularly find yourself together with friends, all accessing your own Facebook accounts instead of actually talking with each other
- Your wall has more applications that your friends are playing than real communications with those you like.
- You go on Facebook mostly to do applications
- You regularly choose to chat rather than to pick up the phone and actually talk with someone (or, gulp, actually visit them!)
Tough words? Possibly. Do they apply to you? Probably.
Just wanted to make you think.
Now, what are you going to do about it?
(Remember I love Facebook, and think most people should too – I just think it’s not right for some people!)
I can’t wait to see your reaction to this one! Lay into me by leaving a comment below.
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Don Crowther is a leading social media marketing and online marketing expert. He helps companies ranging from Fortune-500-level giants to entrepreneurs make more money online using proven social media and search marketing techniques.
I totally agree with what you’ve said in this article.
I have a grandson who fits #11 since all he does is play some of the games on Facebook.
I have a granddaughter who fits #12 since she spends most of time in the evenings and weekends chatting either on Facebook or some other chat site.
And while I and most of my Facebook friends do communicate and share information several times a week, I have a couple who must spend all day trying new apps and games.
Unfortunately those who need to change their behavior on Facebook are like those who need to change their behavior on Twitter – they don’t realize they only wasting their time.
Don,
Nice perspective about Facebook, surely digital social networks can harm you. I personally feel that chatting on Facebook similar as people who ping on their blackberries or chat with MSN. And yes, signs of addiction are surely mentioned in many of your points. But I disagree with the following:
1. I think you can keep more people in your tight circle if you use SN’s like Facebook. Offline meetings can never be replaced, but online chats can surely help keep relations in a world that is globalizing.
2. More than 20 minutes is just fine I think. Many of us spend similar amount of times on mail. Facebook just offers you a more effective and personal newsfeed. It’s up to the user to determine their priorities and intentions. I think if people spend more than 1,5-2 hours or so then it might be the case.
12. This is not a new phenomenon, chatting has always been addictive. It’s not because of Facebook.
Useful post, Don!
I share your wariness of Facebook frenzy and most of your itemized concerns. Facebook is a highly personal tool with a strong, but specific and limited potential for business use. It also can become a poor excuse for a social life used unwisely, especially by kids who really perhaps should be focused on more constructive activities in preparation for adult life, or even playing with like-aged friends, building important interpersonal skills.
I am grateful, however, that there are now so many apps that tie in Twitter and other tools to allow us to update FB without sitting down to a computer and being tempted to surf the site. Of course, this is where the advertising dollars theoretically do come into play. The new level of app accessibility does make it more sustainable in that you can update multiple sites at once and save time, all right from your smart phone. Of course, this does beg the question about time using the smart phone. In any event, personally I lean toward this app-oriented use of the site, even though I do sometimes login–to keep up with family and colleagues, not really so much to make friends. That’s an adult. I also have business purposes for using FB that will only increase as time goes by. I’ll spend more time on those business reasons, in fact, than on personal use, which is already more than I ever thought I would spend (and usually far under 20 minutes in any given day). As a whole, however, I think social media is going to take up a little chunk of people’s time as we learn how to conserve time with it–of course, to get more done. That old technological paradox.
I don’t have kids just yet, but, I don’t think I would allow my child to use Facebook until he or she were at least in high school for a year or so. But that’s a parenting issue…so I’ll leave that one to the parents. Perhaps this post will help them to work out these issues.
You gave me some heavy thinking to do on this article. I joined Facebook a couple of months ago. I do play games; yet, I have found people that I have lost contact with. I will spend less time, call people on the telephone and do less on Facebook. Thank you.
I’m not ready to give up on facebook,because i need a friend to talk to,but not as a boyfriend,because i am married to a wounderful man that i love so much,Nothing and no one can make use break up,not even facebook.
Ahhl. Very true. Facebook will make people mad if they loose their consciousness while in front of computer.
what we type, what type of content we share, whom we are adding.. everything matters a lot to protect privacy.
- Robin
Well, there are some good points here, but I have to disagree with a lot of them. I could not possible meet in person with all of my FB friends and keep in touch and know what’s going on in their worlds if it was not for FB. I can very quickly know what’s going on with my friends in Prague, Mexico, the UK, Chicago, NY in a matter of minutes all for FREE. Anything in excess is never good. So if you have an addiction with FB, then I think I could start a new reality show.
Who’s addicted to FB? Let me know.
Norma Serrano, Wine Consultant
I think there is a generational difference in the use of and perspective on FB. While it can take others into the digital world and foster communication within that realm more often that what “we older folk” are used to, the interaction between individuals is still “real” and sometimes allows for better and more efficient development of meaningful relationships. I believe that interaction in the digital world can inspire relationships in the physical world.
C’mon, embrace change, people. It is i inevitable.
I can honestly say facebook has ruined my life.they dont have enough privacy on there.you see what happened to me was someone made a fake facebook,well one of those “bustdown pages” and started talking about all of these girls babies saying horrible things..then they pinned it on me saying i did it.i would never in a day say any of the things they said about those innocent babies..and noone believes that i didnt do it,i mean there are people that do but for the most part im still getting blamed for it.and the cops didnt even do anything about it,so who am i to turn to?i feel so helpless honestly..i never thought a social website like this could ruin my life so bad,i deleted it for good.
I have recently killed my facebook, and looking back at the reasons, are the exact same as what you have written…
When you think about your feelings, and how you can put them in your next status constantly… it’s enough..
You hit the bail right on the head.
Facebook should be banned, dosen`t matter if its privacy issues or relationship problems, facebook is never gonna help the situation, only escalate it and make it worse… BAN FACEBOOK… aren`t mobile phones or letters enough to keep in touch with the people you love, socialising used to be fun, facebook has killed it…. KILL YOUR FACEBOOK PAGE NOW… get down the pub and meet people..